I know how to make your penis bigger

Words: 2,023
Time: 11:45 - 1:35
Mood: Great
Impression: It did what it was supposed to do

I finally got to the part in the book where I describe how to enlarge a penis. I know that it wasn't supposed to be entertaining, but still I wish there was a way of describing it in a more entertaining way. It's not boring now, but still.

I decided not to write yesterday because I got up really late, and I was a little bummed that the readers of my other book hadn't finished reading the book yet. I thought it meant that they didn't like it. But surprisingly enough, one of the readers got back to me yesterday night. He says that he was enjoying it, so that gave me the motivation to keep writing this one. That isn't the only reason why I was bummed, but that was the main one.

When Penises Attack

Words: 1,692
Time: 12 - 2:15 (15 min break)
Mood: Very Good
Impression: I don't think that it's "laugh out loud" funny

Ya know, it's funny when you're writing and you introduce a character that seemingly has no significance but some how as the story progresses you starting thinking that she could be the romantic lead. The advantage is that the reader already knows the character, but certainly this is not what I was planning.

Secondly, I have made no bones about it, I am writing a book for the readers, not for me. Often times I ask myself will my readers like reading what I'm writing. I have to say that I'm not sure whether a person that gets this book will like what I'm reading. My instinct is to make this a deep novel. But I know that most of the people that get this book will be getting it to learn how to increase the size of their penis.

I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this issue. Because let's be real, if you want to know how to blow up your penis, I have posted the info online. So if you're going to buy the book, you are going to be expecting something more from the book. My answer is to give the read an interesting story. But maybe that's not the correct answer. I'm still considering this point, but mean while I'm approaching the halfway point of the book.

This is taking longer than I thought

Words: 1,726
Time: 11:45 - 2:05 (1/2hr break)
Mood: Neutral
Impression: This is feeling alike story about a black guy

So I took Friday off again. It was the beginning of chapter 5 and knew that it was going to different from the other chapters. And when I woke up Friday I knew that I didn't know what all was going to happen in the chapter. Even after I started to figure out where the chapter was going I still didn't feel like I had enough to get started.

The final piece came to me on Sunday night and when I realized it, I knew that it was the piece that I was waiting for. It's kind of strange the way this story is unraveling for me. Usually I write 5 days a week religiously and it feels more like dictation. With this story I feel like I'm struggling for every word and shift in the story. I'm not used to this. I think that the book is as good or better than what I've written before, but I'm not used to the process being so difficult.

What's also different from all of the other things that I've written is that this feels like it is written from the perspective of a black guy who grew up black American. That's unusual for me. I'm not from America so I wouldn't consider myself black American. In fact, black American culture is still a bit of foreign land to me.

All of my stories exist in a neutral middle class America. But this one definitely feels very different. It's not intentional, and I'm not even sure that it's welcome. But that is what's coming out so there it is. This is when I start hoping that books based in black culture can appeal to more than just black people. I assume that it will but I wonder if I will lose readers because of this fact.

How to jelq

Words: 846
Time: 11:15 - 2:15
Mood: Good
Impression: It's fine

I actually wrote more than 846 words today. But most of them were transcribing. After transcribing my 'jelqing or how to enlarge your penis' full length video I decided to not use the full transcription here. So after deleting 2,000 words, I wrote a little more to finish off the chapter and now I have only progressed the story forward by 846 words.

I'm not as happy today as I was yesterday. I need to figure out how to get back to my happy feeling. I think I need to play a little racquetball today.

I've finally gotten to Penis Enlargement

Words: 1,770
Time: 11:15 - 2 (1hr lunch)
Mood: Happy
Impression: It's good

So, it has taken me about 25,000 words of foreplay before I got to describing penis enlargement. I'm sure that that is a ratio that most women would like.

In the book the main character's penis discovers www.RateABull.com and watches the jelqing video at the site. That means that I am in a position where I am writing a book about a person that is watch a video that I'm in. I often struggle with just the right word to describe something, so the question is 'would this best be described as narcissistic or a case of grandiosity'. I guess in this case they work just as well. :-)

I have really been in a good mood for the past week. And where as I have been in a bad mood for the past 3 years, it's funny that I find happiness while writing a book on happiness. Ironic. Though the way I've found happiness is not what I will be pushing in the book. I'm a very creative guy so my neuroses are probably not common enough to write a book about. Instead I'm going to be addressing how to find happiness when you think that your penis size is the source of your problem. Granted, I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to say yet. But I know how the book is going to end so I know the method for happiness will be very applicable.

Did that last paragraph clear things up for you? Yeah, me neither. :-)

When books about jelqing get deep

Words: 1,635
Time: 11:15 - 1:15
Mood: Very Good
Impression: Very deep for a book about a talking penis

I gotta say that today's writing felt very deep and very personal. I haven't mentioned this yet, but the book is about a guy with a talking penis who also happens to be a real dick. And today the main character confronted his penis about the penis' unhappiness. It may as well have been an art house movie instead of a book about a talking penis.

It was a real study in psychology. And as I was writing it, I started to think about what it was saying about me the author. I would like it to have not said anything at all, but clearly it said something. This is one of those times when I have to just block my self-consciousness and just focus on telling the story. Jeez, I would hate to think that either the main character or the penis character is actually me in disguise.

It felt like I wrote more than I did today

Words: 1,556
Time: 10:45 - 1:45 (1hr lunch)
Mood: Pretty good
Impression: It's good

Today was one of those days that I have where I think that I've written more than I actually have. I guess that I am done before 2 so I couldn't have written that much, but in my head it feels like I covered a lot. Either way, my brain is too tired to write anything else today so I have to stop.

It is a little amazing how it works sometimes. Sometimes when I know what I will be writing and it is just a matter of sitting and writing it, I can write for 3 or more hours. Other times when I have no clue where it's going I have to take a lot of breaks and I can only write for 2 hours. After the latter, it feels like my brain is tired and all I can do is lay down for a while. That is how I feel today.

What I wrote today was pretty good though. It told the story that I'm trying to tell. And at the same time it was funny and a little sad. It was funny on the surface, but scratch the surface even a little and you can see that it's based on a really sad thing. It was a successful bit of writing.

I think that I have completely settled into the humorous style of the book. I originally referred to the humor as sardonic. I was wrong. I was miss using the word. I guess what I'm doing is playing with words in such a way that you laugh at my main character. So the main character is constantly saying things that he doesn't know is funny, but someone hearing it would. The humor borders on absurdist, but isn't quite. I guess it would be satirical with hints of wit.

And now that I have explained it, like any good joke, you will now no longer find it funny. Oh well. :-)

How many gay jokes are too many

Words: 2,176
Time: 12 - 3:15
Mood: Very good
Impression: I can't believe I wrote today

I got up very late today. I'm not going to bed any later but it seems that my body wants to get 7 to 7.5 hours of sleep so now I'm getting up at 11. Laying in bed I considered not writing but then I remembered that I actually knew what I would be writing today. That made it easier for me to say, 'well, I'll just write to the end of the section.' And the end of the section ended up being 2,100 words in and took me to the end of the chapter. Very cool!

But the question that I have to ask myself now is, how many gay jokes are too many? They certainly aren't offensive jokes. I wouldn't classify them as jokes at the expense of gay people. It's more about an awkward, straight guy not knowing anything about gay people, but believing that he does. That's not bad right? I hope not because apparently there's going to be a lot of them in this book.

It would be the same if a white person wrote a character that was blissfully ignorant of black but thought he was an expert, right? Yeah, that would be bad at all. Which brings up another question. How many fat jokes are too many? So far I have only done 3. And I have done it because of the comedic rule of 3. But maybe I should be more comfortable with that one.

Yay, it's the weekend!

At least I wrote something

Words: 1,116
Time: 11:15 - 12:15
Mood: Pretty Good
Impression: This chapter is going to have to get somewhere soon.

Weird thing happened today. I got up really late this morning because I was up past 4 trying to make a major life decision. The deal is that I haven't been happy for over 2 years. And a lot of it is because of my lack of dating. But the thing is that I have never been a dater.

So last night I have decided that I will no long put effort into trying to find a spouse. The whole idea of marriage just doesn't match with who I am. And the fact that I haven't made much headway in that area frustrates me beyond belief. So instead of putting so much energy into finding a spouse, I will cut out the middle woman and put my energy into being happy.

Most people pursue happiness by being in a relationship. I will just pursue happiness in whatever for it takes. And so far I have been feeling really great about it!

But the weird thing about this morning was that after starting my writing at 11:15 and stopping at 12:15, I then climbed back into bed and took an 1 and a half nap. I have never done that before. And that is only the second time I can ever remember taking a nap so soon after getting up. But hey, if I needed it, I needed it. And as long as I write something, eventually I will finish the book.

Starting to ease into it

Words: 1,657
Time: 10:45 - 1:30 & then 15 minutes at 6:30
Mood: Pretty good
Impression: It's going in the right direction

I didn't write yesterday because my original youtube account got deleted accidentally. And I spent the night before uploading all of my videos into a new account. I then woke up pretty late and on top of that I was bummed out plus I had a early afternoon meeting. I just could get my self revved up to do it.

My old youtube account used to get 1,500 views per day. It will take another year before I get back there. It looks like I will be getting about 300 per day for a while, so that's better than nothing.

In terms of the story, I am really starting to get into the meat of it. The characters that work with the main character are all quirky and interesting. I'm just starting to wonder how many gay jokes are too many. By no means am I making fun of gays. I'm just having fun with the concept. For example, the asks the question what would you do if you found out that your penis was gay? See, this isn't just penis enlargement guide, or interesting story. It is a book that will make you think.

Oh, and I've decided how I will describe the book. It is a fiction/non-fiction hybrid. Within the funny story are parts where the characters read from a penis enlargement guide, a g-spot guide etc. I don't know of a lot of fiction/non-fiction hybrid book. I'm hoping that I could be coming up with something new. :-)

I'm back at it

Words: 1,836
Time: 11 - 3:15 (2hr lunch)
Mood: Groggy
Impression: Not as funny

I took Friday off from writing and I'm glad I did. It turns out that I was headed in the wrong direction. I was correct that the character was going to spend his first part of the chapter at work, but I wasn't correct about what was supposed to be communicated next in the story. The main character had to come up with the idea that he should change before he does change. That is what was missing. That is why I had a bit of a block.

And today I've learned that girl I referenced in the first chapter as getting VD from her boyfriend is apparently one of the main characters. Ya know, you just throw out jokes and there never anyway of tell what sticks.

A break before Chapter 3

Words: 0
Mood: Fine

I have decided to take today off. Usually what I do when I write is while laying in bed the night before I write, I decide what I'm going to be writing about. And if I don't work everything out the night before, I lay in bed in the next morning and do it. That is one of the reasons why I sometimes start writing so late.

But Chapter 3 is important. Chapter 1 was a fun introduction to the characters, chapter 2 was character history and chapter 3 is the chapter where the impetus for the rest of the book is established. I know what the impetus is, but I don't know how I'm going to do it. And when I think about it, all I get is a mental picture of the main character at his job and nothing else.

Since getting this chapter right will make the rest of the book flow really easily, I decided to give myself the weekend to work it out. I know that it's there. It's just a matter of allowing it to come to the surface. I'm actually a little surprised that it hasn't already. Perhaps the gears of my brain are locked in a particular direction and I need to back up and a little and start again.

End of Chapter 2

Words: 1,610
Time: 10 - 12:15
Mood: Calmer
Impression: Not a particularly funny chapter but very insightful.

This chapter wasn't funny like the last chapter was funny. I would describe this chapter as being psychologically rich. It didn't have any laugh out loud moments but there are quite a few moments where you chuckle at the main character's expense.

I finally have a good grip on the main characters and the style of humor that the story is employing. It isn't exactly the type of humor that I use when I'm trying to be funny. I tend to be a little more intellectual with my humor. But the book's humor is related to my humor. It is kind of an absurdist sense of humor tied in with an every day man sentiment.

What I'm most concerned about though is bringing back the style of humor from Chapter 1 for Chapter 3. Chapter 2 did what it was supposed to do. It set up a depth that would be mined in the later chapters, but Chapter 3 has to be zany again. And I know that after the heaviness of Chapter 2 I am going to have to work pretty hard to make the reader laugh out loud again, but that is what I am going to have to do.

I have also noticed that my words count has been down this week. I'm still making my standard 1,500 word minimum. But last week I had 2 days over 2,000 and I guess I just expected to continue that level of productivity.

2,000 words a day gives me an extra 2,500 words a week. My goal is to make the book between 65,000 and 70,000 words. So 2,000 words a day shaves off about 2 weeks of writing. But I guess that either way you put it, writing a book is a marathon not a sprint. Either way you put it I will be done before the end of the year as long I keep writing everyday.

Any way, I now have 2 chapters down and about 10 more to go. Word count wise I am almost a quarter of the way through. Yay!

Should I be writing in this state?

Words: 1,866
Time: 11 - 3 (1hr lunch)
Mood: Depressed
Impression: A little darker than I was hoping

Yesterday was a bad, bad day. Because of my dark mood I was thinking about skipping racquetball league last night but at the last moment decided to go. I got my ass handed to me by everyone I played for the second week in a row. I even left early because what was the point in playing if I wasn't going to make an effort.

I drove away and knew that I needed the day to end as quickly as possible. So I pick up some Tylenol PM's and downed a few. I ate dinner, wrote yesterday's entry and once I got up I couldn't even get my legs to work. Maybe I took a few too many.

But in either case I was asleep within minutes but briefly woke up at 9pm, 10pm, 7am, and then 9pm. Each time was just for a minute or 2 so I still count that as 12 hours of sleep. I also woke up in a better mood so maybe it was a good thing. Unfortunately I also woke up still feeling drugged. I've never had a hangover, but I have to assume that the feeling was similar.

Even so I managed to write today, but I have to say that it's pretty hard writing funny stuff when you are still in a pretty depressed mood. There was certainly a darker tone to what I wrote. It felt heavy even though it still had a casual side to it. This was the chapter when I was supposed to give some psychological depth to the character, but man does it feel dark now.

Maybe it's just the way I'm interrupting it. Maybe it's not as bad as I think. Maybe in a few days when I start thinking about lollipops and butterflies again, it won't seem as heavy. Meanwhile, well, whatever.

Let the fun begin

Words: 1,518
Time: 11:30 - 1pm
Mood: Melancholy
Impression: It's fine

This is one of those days when you just want it to end as quickly as possible. I have a tendency to right about isolation and loneliness. It is a theme in both this book and the one I wrote earlier this year. I know both very well. However unlike my last book sadness or darkness has no place in this particular book and I have to find a way to keep it out.

Now it is time for a good 13 hours of sleep.

The End of Chapter One

Words: 1,701
Time: 11:30 - 2:30 (1hr lunch)
Mood: Anxious/Chilled/Contemplative
Impression: It is a good Chapter 1

When a person sits down to write a book, there is only so much preparation that they can do. I write books that are about something, so what I first do is decide what the book is going to be about. In this case I decided that this book would be about 'how society teaches us to want things that we don't really need'.

Next I choose a framework to explain that idea. In this case it was about someone who was unhappy and decides to use penis enlargement to make himself happier. I knew that I wanted this to be a funny and spiritual book, but I wasn't quite sure how I was going to do it. I also knew that I wanted to include the content of my www.RateABull.com videos, but I wasn't sure how to work it into the story.

So with this and the rough outline of how the story will proceed I began the writing. It still amazes me how a book fills itself in once you start writing. I wrote some really great, funny stuff in the first chapter. But now I don't know if I can do the same thing in the second chapter.

I don't love writing so I'm not one of those types that just loves the journey of it all. The exploring is not what I go after. I'm a goal and results oriented guy. But it seems that for me writing a book is really about letting go and trusting in my ability to find the next word or the next phrase.

I guess like a lot of other things in life, it is about being present in the moment. I need to keep in mind that I am doing my greatest work now. Because of this book, for the rest of my life this year will be the most creatively productive year of my life. I will never top this year. And because of that I don't need to be anywhere else other than right here doing what I'm doing.

I think this cool weather (it's 70 degrees F) makes me think of fall in Wisconsin where I went to college. Those were the most wonderful times of my life and I didn't always appreciate them. I miss wonderful times. I wish I had more of them.

It sucks when you misplace your penis

Words: 2619
Time: 10:30 - 1:45 (1/2 hr. lunch)
Mood: Restless
Impression: Good so far.

I have decided on a full name for the book. The full title of the book is: Happiness thru the Art of Penis Enlargement: A Novel Guide to Jelqing, the G-spot, How to Last Longer in Bed, and Other Sexual Secrets.

Yes, I have noticed how long it is. Thanks for noticing... and I'm not taking about the title... actually I am talking about the title. :-) The book will be so titled because I plan on only selling it online. And the most important thing you can do for search engine optimization is putting key words in the title. These are all the key words that people use to find my videos on youtube.

The book itself is a novel, but the characters in the book find a guide to all of these things. So it is kind of like the book Celestine Prophecies where the fictional characters find prophecies that readers can apply to their own life.

Today's writing was fun and easy. I think that I have finally gotten a firm hold on the humor of the book. And I think that I finally have the characters down. I'm sure that the characters will continue to surprise me, like they did today. But I pretty much know who they are.

Let me tell you, waking up and finding your penis missing is no fun to even write about. But hopefully it will be fun to read. :-)

Now I'm done until Monday. Yay!

The 2nd First Day of Writing

Words: 2183
Time: 10:30 - 1:10 (no lunch)
Mood: Feeling good!
Impression: It's shaping up.

I did not write yesterday either. What happened was that on Tuesday I played about 10 games of racquetball and I came home at 10:30pm with a headache. But in spite of the headache I worked until 2:30am coming with 3 more TV show ideas.

Unfortunately, yesterday I woke up too early and the headache was still there. I sat at the computer to write and I just couldn't get myself to do it, so I didn't. But I think it was good because last night I became excited about writing the book. I actually started to look forward to it. For some reason the pressure was off and I felt comfortable.

So this morning when I got up I felt good. I had my usually breakfast (waffles), took a shower and got to work. I can say with some confidence that this is a book that more than just steps into the world of the absurd, it lives there. But even with that I think that it represents what it is like to have a penis very well. So today, I like the book. I like what I wrote, as crazy as it was. And I know that I am going to like what I am going to write tomorrow.

My favorite line that I wrote today was: Oh my god my penis is exchanging “Sup’s” in a steam room with another penis.

That's right, go and figure that one out. :-)