So, tomorrow morning I'm supposed to get up and write 1,500 pages for a book that I'm really nervous about writing. It's not that I think that I will fail to write. What I'm nervous about is that I will fail to be funny but spend a bunch of time in frustration trying to be funny and then in the end not be funny. But of course tomorrow when I wake up I will be tired (I'm writing this at 3am) and my creative juices might not be flowing and nothing could come. Really it could all turn out to be very bad tomorrow.
I've never before written a book that is supposed to be funny most of the way through and I don't even know if I can do it. I wrote a movie that was supposed to be funny and let me tell you, the sound of laughter when the movie first screened for a real audience was simply one of the best exerperiences of my life.
I was way to nervous to actually be in the theatre when the movie started. I was in the the projection room trying to hide. But as I was talking to the projectionist I heard the sound of the entire theatre laughing coming from the little hole where the camera sat and I was amazed. About a year beforehand I sat in my room thinking "this will be funny won't it? Sure, people will laugh at this." But my lead actress had said it wasn't funny and I had my doubts. But to hear the laughter in the audience really made me feel good.
Now 8 years later I am going to sit in my room again and try to decide what is going to make people laugh a year from now. I know this process is supposed to be fun or something, but damn, I can feel my chest hurt just typing this. Please people send me some positive energy because the truth is that right now I feel like rolling into a ball and throwing up. I have never had such an intense response before, but man can I fail writing this one. God I feel like throwing up.
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