Friday, November 27, 2009

5 writing days in a row

Words: 1,909
Time: 12:15 - 3:45
Mood: Good
Impression: It is very good

I woke up late and started writing the latest I have ever started writing. But even when I was laying in bed at 11:30 I knew that I was going to write today. And I have to say that I played all of the keys on the piano today.

I really thought today would just be one of those writing filler days that are common in dramatic works. But I started and then wrote what I think is the funny thing so far in the book. I then wrote some thing that will eventually allow me to end the book. I have been wondering how I was going to justify certain things, but today allowed for it. I really wrote some great stuff today. I'm kind of proud. :-)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Writing on Thanksgiving day

Words: 3,470
Time: 11:40 - 3:40 (1hr break)
Mood: relaxed
Impression: It's pretty good

Since it's thanksgiving day, I thought that I would start off with what I'm thankful for. I am thankful that for the past year I have been given the privilege of being able to spend my days writing and coming up with TV show ideas. It really is a privilege and this has been the most creatively productive year of my life.

I am also thankful for the fact that because of all of the people that I met this year, I have become a better, smarter, wiser person. I have also made great friends and had great experiences.

This morning I had to run and get the things that I am bringing to the thanksgiving dinner, so I didn't start writing until much later. But it seems that for the first time since I started writing this book, I will write all 5 days this week. It was assumed with my last book, but not so here. It's funny 2 days ago I was telling a friend how this will probably be the last book I write because of how hard it's been. But yesterday I woke up and asked myself the question 'what happens when a vampire dies?' Does he travel the afterlife looking for his soul?

My last book was about what happens when we die, so I think that is an interesting question to ask. I'm not into vampires, but it would be an interesting angle to explore. I had wanted this book to be 68,000 words. It is now 61,000 but it still has a little ways to go. But at this rate, I could be done in 2 weeks. That might not happen because I have to travel to the Bahamas for my brother's wedding, but it will be before the end of the year. Should I just quit writing afterwards? I don't know. It doesn't sound like me. :-)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

What have I become

Words: 2,841
Time: 11 - 3 (1hr break)
Mood: Mixed
Impression: It's fine

I have to say that during by lunch break I lay in my bed thinking about what I was writing and my life. I was very sad. What saddened me was that when I decided to write a book about happiness and love, this was the world that I created. And it isn't that I can't come up with a Disney story. It's that when I let the story that's in me come out, this is what I automatically wrote.

I have no doubt that the book's readers will find it interesting. It's the same way that Flannery O'Connor's readers find her racist, angry books interesting. But what's sad about Flannery is if you think of the type of person it took to write such a book. It's sad when you think of the type of life she had to live to make her that miserable. The same is true for me. It saddens me to think of the life I had to live to come up with a story like this.

However, after lunch I got to write a couple of basic sex scenes and it made me feel better. Ya know, there was a time when it took having sex to make me feel better. Now it just takes writing about sex to make me feel better. I don't know, is that an improvement. Haha!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The end of another chapter

Words: 1,573
Time: 11:15 - 1:15 (1/4hr break)
Mood: A little sad
Impression: It was fine

What I wrote yesterday kind of put me into a mental tailspin. On top of that it so happened that yesterday Oprah had a show on sex addicts that hit too close to home. And on top of that, I had to do a lot of home for my next 2 therapy sessions. It was too much. I was up until 4:30 am trying to unravel the knot that is my sexual history in preparation for therapy.

After only getting 5 hours of sleep I can at least say that I now understand it. I now understand why I have made the choices that I did as it pertains to sex and why I fell for the people that I did. And now I also understand why Happiness thru the Art of Penis Enlargement is turning out the way that it is. The characters are all manifestations of my subconscious. The main character, though not like me in a lot of ways, represents me in this psycho-dynamic. The talking penis... well, I'm not going to say what the talking penis represents.

In either case, on Wednesday I'm going to do this psychologically intensive process called EMDR. It is something that is supposedly going to change the way I look at life. The question is, how is it going to effect the story. If this book is a crazy representation of my own psycho-drama what happens if my personal psycho-drama dramatically changes. Hmmm... My god I feel nuts right now.

Monday, November 23, 2009

The story's going rogue

Words: 3,182
Time: 11:15 - 3:15 (1 1/2hr break)
Mood: Sad
Impression: Disappointed

The story has now gone rogue. I think what happened was that after I realized that I was no longer writing the book for others, I no longer felt the need to constrain myself. Ever since then my daily word count has been up. Hell, today I past 3,000 words.

But now the book isn't what I imagined the book to be when I sat down to write it. I guess the truth is that you can't live half your life making questionable decisions and then write a book and not expect the recces of your mind to feed the story. Never in my life did I try to be like everyone else. In high school we had to wear uniforms to school. And where as everyone tried to also wear the same shoes, I had to find a pair that no one else wore. I tried to think like no one else thought.

But crap, what has been the result? What I have written today disturbs me. What it says about me as a person rattles me. There is no other interpretation in what I'm writing accept for the fact that I hate a part of myself. But not only do hate a part of myself but I'm writing it in a book that others will read. This is fucked up! This story is a freak show... or maybe it can be better said that the book is fine, there is just something seriously wrong with the author.

Friday, November 20, 2009

It's moving along now

Words: 2,038
Time: 11:30 - 2:00 (1/2 hr break)
Mood: Good
Impression: I think it's good...

Here's an interesting fact about me. When I was in the 2nd grade, I got an 'F' in writing. Oh course, back then it was about the physical ability to write. My elementary school used to split the kids up into 2 different classes. I was in the class with all of the smarter kids. But even though I was in that class I was also a very poor reader.

I can remember the dread I would feel whenever we had reading time in class. The teacher would go around the class and have a student read a couple of paragraphs aloud. And when he would get to me I would just become embarrassed. The truth was that I could barely read. It wasn't that I didn't know the words, it was that I would stare at a word and I couldn't remember which word it was.

My reading was so bad that my parents had me tested to make sure that everything was "ok" with me. I can remember the day that the results came back. It was the night that we would always go out for our family night out. My mother walked around glamorously dressed and I kept saying "can we go". But my mother kept saying that she was waiting on a call.

When the call came in my father got next to my mother as she spoke to the person on the other end. When the call was over she turned to my father and said "everything is fine". She then walked over to me, bent down, gave me a big kiss and said "I knew you were normal."

After that I attended a special after school program to improve my reading. In the 5th grade I attended a reading program at another school, and in the 7th grade at my high school, I was placed in a special reading program there. It wasn't until I was taking a college psychology class about learning disorders that I realized that I had a special form of dyslexia. It was such an incredible revelation to me. It make me feel so much better that it had a name. So with all of that being my history I now find it very ironic now that I have made more money as a writer than I have in any other field.

I say all of that to say that I I never really took a class on how to write books. I learned how to write long form by learning how to write movie scripts. In scripts the stakes have to be very high all the time. That is what gets people to watch the movie. But that's not the case with books.

With scripts being my foundation for long form writing, I still have my doubts that the stakes for the book are high enough. All my characters want, is to be happy. There's penis enlargement, sex, a funny talking alcoholic penis and a ton of information in the book. But I can't help but ask myself is trying to be happy a high enough stake? It's certainly isn't as high as trying to save the universe from the evil Darth Vader. But I'm still hoping that it is.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I love writing sex scenes

Words: 2,012
Time: 11:15 - 1:15
Mood: Great
Impression: Pretty freakin' hot

First of all it is my birthday today. So happy birthday to me. Secondly, today I wrote the first of what will probably be a few sex scenes. You can't write a book about penis enlargement without having a sex scene. But no other sex scene that I write will match this one.

It wasn't that it was raunchy, dirty sex. It was detailed and hot and sweet and if there is anyone that reads it and isn't turned on on multiple levels, then I should never put fingers to keyboard ever again. :-) Writing that was a birthday gift to myself and man did I enjoy it.

That was also the end of the chapter and after taking forever on the last chapter, this one took 3 days with each day me writing more than 2,000 words. I think that the rest of the book will definitely not take as long. The only thing that I have started worrying about is the length of the book.

With every book that I've written (all 2 of them, ha) I have always underestimated the length of the book by a lot. This time, I was shooting for a 200 page book. But if the second half of the book is as long as the first half I'm looking at closer to 260 - 290. I think that's a little long for this type of book. I think that this book could be 185 pages and people would still feel like they're getting their money's worth. But above 250 I think that I might start to turn some readers off.

I guess I can't really help it. I am verbose. I like words and words like me. I need to get everything in that I need to get it, and I don't think that I help myself by making it a clunky reading experience. But who knows, maybe it'll be shorter than I think. I can't imagine how, but we'll see. I guess if worse comes to worse, I could always make the margins in the book a little smaller. Haha. It's like college in reverse. :-)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I'm loving this chapter

Words: 2,804
Time: 10:50 - 2:10 (1/2hr break)
Mood: Very good
Impression: Loved it

I didn't mean to not write yesterday. My rule is that I can't email or text anyone before I write unless it has to do with racquetball. But yesterday I wrote a long text to my muse and then didn't send it. I didn't finish writing the text until noon and then I said screw it I'll bail. Oh well.

But today I made up for it by doing almost twice my quota. And man did I like writing today. I borrowed a lot from an experience that I once had so it was really easy to write. And I can say for sure that this chapter is the chapter that will give the book heart. Even I am touched a little by what I am writing... but I guess I know how to push my own buttons so that shouldn't count.

Either way, it was a great writing day and it really does turn out that the talking, alcoholic penis is a representation for something else that guys can relate to. Sure it was obvious that the penis was a symbol, but no, it goes even deeper than the obvious. Man, this book is like an onion. When I first looked at it it looked like one thing. But the more I get into it, the more layers it has.

Now I'm heading off to racquetball.

Monday, November 16, 2009

A good way to start the week

Words: 2,294
Time: 11:30 - 2:30 (1hr break)
Mood: Good
Impression: It's good

It was a good writing day today. I woke up and one of the first things I thought about was what I would be writing about today. That is how it was when I was writing my last book. And also like the last book, I wrote until lunch and then I took a break and got back to it. More times than not with this book, I have been writing straight through.

What that says to me is that I have relaxed into the routine of writing. When I write straight through it is because I feel like I shouldn't be wasting my time writing, so I try to get it over with as soon as possible. Not today. Today I leaned into the writing. That was good.

I have also decided to cut back on the gay humor. I think that I have finally done one too many. The book is starting to feel a little homoerotic so no more of that. I milked that angle as much as I could and now I think I've blown my load of it... Masturbation humor is still fine right? Yeah, I'm sure it's still fine. :-)

Friday, November 13, 2009

The end of a very long chapter

Words: 1,502
Time: 11 - 1:30 (1/2 hr break)
Mood: Relieved
Impression: I think it's pretty good

I have been working on this one chapter about 3 weeks. Granted, I probably took 5 days off during that time, but that's still a long time on 1 chapter.

I don't mind taking that much time on this one because this is probably the chapter that anyone who buys a book called Happiness thru the Art of Penis Enlargement would care most about. This was the chapter when I described penis enlargement and the main character does it. It is also the chapter when I reveal the one thing I didn't in the video about how to get the best results from jelqing. It will probably be the chapter that's read the most and I think that the chapter works.

Now for the rest of the book I can relax a bit. I still have a few more facts to share, like best sexual positions and how to last longer in bed, but that's cool. More of the second half of the book will be about story and about the character truly searching for happiness. I guess I don't know exactly where the second half will go, but I have an idea and the impression that that gives me seems pretty good.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Slow and steady wins the race

Words: 1,706
Time: 11:30 - 2:30 (1/2hr break)
Mood: Mellow
Impression: Pretty good

I'm a glad to say that yesterday was a research day. I wasn't just being lazy, I had to confirm some information before I wrote it. So although I didn't put words to document, I did work. Today was also a research day, but I was still able to start the day writing and end it writing.

Writing this book is a very unique process for me which is probably why it is going so slow. There are so many things that keep changing about the story as I go along. At this point I have to say that I have a good idea where I'm going with it, but honestly, I can't be sure. I think that I'm going to find out where I'm going when I get there, and hopefully it's somewhere good.

I am beginning to wonder about the happiness angle of the book as well. Because yes, the book tells you how to enlarge your penis through jelqing, but really the book is about happiness as it relates to sex and society.

I am actually seeing 2 therapist right now. It isn't because I'm really crazy, it's because one helped me so much I figured why not double the healing. And a lot of what I've been talking about recently has to do with happiness and sex. The topic didn't start until I started writing the book and now it is basically all I talk about.

I guess it's good, because it's like having two PH D's as book consultants, but I wonder how different the book would be if I wasn't deeply engaged in the topic myself for my own mental healing. Would it be less personal? And would it be better, worse or just different. It's all just stuff that makes me wonder.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Introducing something new in the book

Words: 2,766
Time: 10:30 - 12
Mood: Good
Impression: I didn't see it coming but it fits

The number of words that I wrote today is misleading. I only wrote 1,200 new words today. All of the other words are transcribed from my Jelqing or How To Enlarge your Penis video. I had transcribed it on a day that I only registered 800 words. So today's numbers look overblown because of it.

But I wrote about something that I didn't expect to write today. I knew that I was going to address this topic at some point, but that wasn't the plan this morning. And what's come out of it is that I'm going to add information about how to get over the plateau that you hit in gains. I have had a lot of success with jelqing. But what I have realized over the years is that and inch and a half is rare. I guess the truth of the matter is that I didn't tell the whole story when I made the video.

You have to understand that when I made the video I never expected for it to be viewed over a million times. I never suspected that people would rely on it like people have. So when I was making the video I just took the information that I got in the manual that I first got and gave it to people in video form. But there was a whole other part that I didn't mention in the video that I was engaged in.

When I was making the video I didn't think that this other part had anything to do with my jelqing success. But because I was recently looking over a lot of my journals from a few years ago, I now understand how much what else I was doing helped. Really if I just thought logically about it, I would have realized that of course it helped. But I just didn't.

So now, with the book, I am going to tell the other part of the story. At no point did I think that I was going to include this part, much less when I woke up this morning. But that's what happens when you write, surprising things happen.

Monday, November 9, 2009

This book is very deep

Words: 1,670
Time: 11 - 2:30 (1.5 hr break)
Mood: Mellow
Impression: Incredibly deep and revealing

When I was 17 years old I was deeply into spirituality. I meditated twice a day and had an incredible sense of calm about me. In fact, I was so calm that I felt I was detached. And what I wanted to do more than anything else was teach spirituality. But even at 17 I understood that I needed more life experience to teach about life.So I stopped doing everything that I was doing and entered life.

I am now a very experienced person in life. I have had experiences that I know that not too many other people will have. And man do those experiences inform all of my outside projects. That experience was the basis of the last book that I wrote, but I really didn't think that it would be a part of this one. Hell, this book is a somewhat humorous book about an alcoholic, talking penis. How could that be about me in any way?

Today, I wrote something that I had not planned to write and after I did I thought about it and realized that once again, this book is about me. Unlike the last book, this one is much less obvious about, but it is as well.

It seems that now I can't escape from myself if I tried. Now, all of the life experiences that I gave up my spiritual life for seeps out of me like the smell of garlic out of a man's pores. And there's nothing I can do about it but hope nobody minds. I think that I have to say that even though I tried to write this book for others, once again I am writing this book for myself. And like all masturbation, the most I can hope for is that there are people out there that want to watch. Oh well.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Slow going...

Words: 1,218
Time: 10:45 - 12:45
Mood: Distracted
Impression: It's fine

You know, at the beginning of every week I keep saying that I will write all 5 days this week. This week I only wrote 2 days. Life got in the way this week.

But the good thing is that I was supposed to finish the first half of the book this week, and I didn't know what the second half of the book was going to be about. However, I had an experience last Friday that completely inspired the second half of the book. Now the book will be extremely interesting. Before it was going to be funny and fine. But now it will be a truly unique story. I just hope it's not too 'out there'. After all, I already have a talking, alcoholic penis in the book. Where's that line between a good read and ridiculous. :-)

Monday, November 2, 2009

Slow but steady

Words: 1,535
Time: 9:50 - 11:45
Mood: Very good
Impression: It was very clever

I had a great Halloween weekend. Met one girl and went out with another and then played racquetball until my shoulder hurt. What else can a guy ask for?

I haven't written in a while because my motivation is slipping. I happen to like what I'm writing, but I'm starting to wonder if book buyers will like it too. I'm doing my best to make this book accessible but I'm struggling.However today I really liked what I wrote. It was very clever. And it was clever in the best way. The main character didn't seem to be clever, the author seemed to be clever.

But I'm also beginning to wonder if this book is becoming an allegory for sexual struggle. There are only so many gay jokes that you can have without wondering if there is something going on on a deeper level. Truly I think this book has way too many levels to be a humorous book about a talking penis. But hey, I don't have anything else better to do so I will keep writing.