Saturday, December 26, 2009

Oh My God, I'm DONE!

Words: 4,162
Time: 7:45 – 12 (1/2hr break)
Mood: Happy
Impression: The book is everything I wanted it to be

My god, I’m finished! I’M FINISHED! It feels so good to be done. I didn’t end up writing on Christmas so instead I decided to put my jet lag to good use. When I got up at 5 am I decided that I would do my best to finish the book today. I was going to start at 6am, but I made eggs and bacon for breakfast and that took a little time.

But I have to say that the book says everything that I wanted it to say. Before I knew what it would be about, I talked to a lot of people about it. I had of course mentioned only the most insightful things. That was fully my intention when I sat down to write it, but I started to lose faith that that was where the story would end up. But I can now say that the book is everything that I wanted it to be.

The book is a novel for men. Yes I give detailed instructions on how to enlarge your penis within it. And I talk about other things also. But that isn’t what the book is about. The book is about happiness and what makes a person happy. And the story is told from a guy’s perspective. And the guy whose perspective it’s told through is a guy’s guy. He’s not a 2000’s guy, he’s not metrosexual, and he’s not a successful guy. He’s a guy that works, lives and strives. And although there are similarities between me and this guy, it is not me. I’m proud of this book.

So now the next step, I’m going to have to walk away from it for a little bit and then come back and edit it. In the meantime though, I have to work on getting a few of the TV shows that I’ve created on the air. That’s not going to require a lot of work. My contact just needs some more info on the ones he likes. Also, I’m going to focus on creating a few more of my RateABull videos. There are a number of topics on my white board which I can do. Some have already been shot and just need editing together.

So will I keep blogging about the process? Definitely. I found this process helpful. I probably would have snapped if I wasn’t doing it. And thanks to everyone that’s been following along. Feel free to post a comment. I would love to hear from you. Check back soon. There’s more to come.

Cristian YoungMiller
author of "Happiness thru the Art of Penis Enlargement: A Novel Guide to Jelqing, the G-spot, How to Last Longer in Bed, and other Sexual Secrets"

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I think I need 2 more days to finish it

Words: 2,169
Time: 10:15 - 1:30 (1hr break)
Mood: Tired
Impression: Good enough

I am definitely winding the book down now. It is possible that I could finish tomorrow, but it would have to be a longer day. More likely I will finish the book 2 days from now.

I have to say that even at this point I'm surprised how much the activities of my life and my mood affect what I write. I used to believe that there was some divine writer living inside of me and all I had to do was get out of his way. But even today I know that because I fell asleep early last night and then didn't get enough sleep the tone of what I wrote changed. It wasn't that I wrote something dark today. It was just heavy. The writing felt like how I feel.

Also, at the very end of my writing process about a lonely guy that meets someone, I might have met someone today. I do online dating, and for the first time, I wrote someone, and within hours she wrote me back. And the kicker is that she's really hot. There's always the chance that she's not real, but I don't think so. Wouldn't me meeting someone be the perfect end to my story about writing a book about a lonely guy. :-)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I'm days away from finishing the book

Words: 3,910
Time: 10 - 2:15 (1/2 hr break)
Mood: Relaxed
Impression: I'm not sure about it

First let me say that the Bahamas was absolutely great! If anyone wants to go to the Bahamas for a very quiet get-away. I highly recommend going to Eden Cottage My god it was soothing to my soul. I was feeling really crazy before I left. I even had to get my mohawk back.

But after 2 weeks there, life seems a little sweeter. I had all of my meals made for me and it was great to be around family again. I thought that it would be bad, but it was very good.

So when it comes to the book, there was a day that I wrote but didn't blog about it. My mother and I have a website called . And the most popular item that we sell there is a cologne called Sand Cologne. Just a few days before I left I decided that we would start selling it through Amazon and I had to do all of the things that could only be done while I was there. I figured that I could finish the book once I got back to LA.

And now that I'm back, I think I'm days away from finishing the book. It's possible that I could finish tomorrow. And if not tomorrow, I could finish on Christmas day. I don't think I have any plans for Christmas, so that might be what I do. Merry Christmas to me.

I have to say though, my vacation really took me out of the mind set of the book. I was using my angst to drive the book. But I am now angst free. That is one of the reasons I'm trying so hard to bring the book to its end. It's like I'm trying to get out of the class before anyone realized I'm sporting a big hard one if you know what I mean.

But we'll see where I'm at tomorrow. I think that I have the climax of the book down. Act 3 is the culmination of the darkest before the dawn. And like I mentioned weeks ago, the book is not about a fight for the safety of the galaxy, so it feels less compelling. But I guess that if you care about the characters, then the universe doesn't have to be threatened for you to care how it ends. At least that's what I'm hoping.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Yet another sex scene

Words: 3,275
Time: 10:30 - 12 & 2:30 - 4
Mood: Relaxed
Impression: It's ok, but the sex was good

I got to write another sex scene today. That was good. It turned me on. But now what I'm thinking about is how much longer until the end. I know that the book is now over 200 pages and quickly approaching 250. I was hoping that the book would be less than 84, 000 words and now I'm at 77,700 and counting.

I know how it's going to end, but i don't know how long until I can get there. I don't know. i could be surprised and end up there quicker than I think. There really isn't much more story to tell. But we'll see. The other side effect is that me writing this story is making me think of the woman that I am basing the one of the characters on. I probably should think about here. It isn't a healthy relationship. I should probably think of someone else.

It seems that it's easier to write in the Bahamas than back in LA. I think that my place in LA is to dark. I feel trapped in my apt in LA. My life seems trapping in LA. I hadn't realized how revitalizing it is to be around family. And i guess that I feel that I am being of help to my nieces and nephews, and that feels good as well.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Writing overlooking the Ocean

Words: 2,207 & 1,735
Time: Thurs afternoon & Fri morning
Mood: Relaxed
Impression: It's fine

I was able to write yesterday, but I wasn't able to blog about it because I didn't have access to the Internet until later in the day. And when I came back I had to go to the wedding rehearsal. Then there were a few drinks and talking of course. I don't drink much, but I had to join in because my brother was getting married.

But let me say that it has always been a fantasy of mine to write somewhere that has a beautiful view. And one of the places that I always imagined was on the porch of my mother's beach house. Well, I got that chance yesterday. I wrote a little, looked up from the screen, allowed my mind to drift as I figured out how to phrase something. Got a glimpse of the beach shrubs and ocean, then continued writing. Heavenly!

And another great thing was that I finally figured out what act 3 of the book is going to be about. For about a week or so, i have been trying to figure out what leads to the climax. Yesterday I figured it out. It turns out that the answer was always in the story, but just took a bit to get there.

And today I wrote in front of the window in my mom's office. And actually one of the pictures of my nieces and nephews inspired one of the character's actions in the book. A story that one of them told me about their experiences ended up in the book.

Also, the book is what I thought the book was going to be about when I sat down to write it. Way back then I said that the book was about how society teaches us to want things that we don't need and that can sometimes bring us more pain than pleasure. But as I wrote, I didn't really see that coming up. But today, out of the blue, there the theme appeared. I figured that if I just remained patient it would come up.

I think that if I really crank it out, I could finish it by the end of next week. But cranking out words is not something that I'm likely to do here. There are beaches that need to swam on, family that needs counseling, postcards that need designing and relaxation that needs to be completed. So hopefully I will be done before Christmas.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

It's weird writing here

Words: 1,385
Time: 10:15 - Noon
Mood: Easing down
Impression: Not sure

I am now at my mother's house in the Bahamas and I have to say that it's weird writing here. My computer is on her desk and if I look up, I see a picture of my nephews and nieces. I can't help but think how nephew-and-niece-unfriendly my book is. They are between 18 and 13 so they aren't young. And I've given basic sex advice to 14 and 15 year olds, but they are definitely different.

Other than that, I think that this trip is going to be good for me. My mother's place is very calming. I was definitely in a much more irritated state before. But here, all of the stuff that was making me nuts melts away. Today, I dropped my mother to work, sat down in her office and wrote. Her desk faces the window and there is a Poinciana tree outside that's swaying in the breeze. There's a little yellow bird in the tree that's hopping from branch to branch. It's nice.

Clearly this setting is going to have an affect on the story. I'm not exactly sure how yet, but it is. In a way my agitation was fueling the story. Without it, I would be driving with the wrong type of gas. I guess I'll see though. I only wrote a little today because I hit the end of the chapter. Tomorrow will be the test. We'll see.

Friday, December 4, 2009

I'm a little tired

Words: 4,086
Time: 12:30 - 4:30 (1/4hr break)
Mood: Sad
Impression: I think my mood has shaped what I wrote

I had a late morning appointment and I didn't expect to write today. But when I got home at noon, I grabbed food and rested. Afterwards I figured that a few hundred would be better than nothing so I gave writing a shot.

Today turned out to be the latest I have ever started and the most I have ever written in one day. Since I didn't write the first 3 days of the week and because I wouldn't be able to write on Monday because of traveling, I figured I should do as much as I could.

As I think about it though, I don't know if my mood shaped what I wrote, or what I wrote shaped my mood. Either way I'm feeling like I need to connect with humans tonight. Writing is a very lonely thing. And so much alone contemplative time can do bad things to me.

Anyway, on Monday I'm traveling to the Bahamas for my brother's wedding. I can't seem to write at airports or on planes so hopefully I can get back to the story by Tuesday or Wednesday. We'll see. I'm close to the end of the book. And I know that I could finish it while I'm there, but I don't know if I'll be able to string enough days together during my 2 weeks.

I hit 70,000 words today which is past my original goal, so I know I'm close. And I want to be able to say that I wrote 2 books in 2009 so even if I pull an 8 hour writing session on New Years eve, I will get this done. And what's more I think that it's best if I get my mind out of this world as soon as I can. It's an interesting place to visit, but I can no longer take living there.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Ok, I'm back

Words: 3,122
Time: 11:15 - 2 (1/4hr break)
Mood: Not great
Impression: It's fine

Ok, I'm not going to lie to you. I considered not finishing the book. I have been going through a little bit of psychological hell over the last couple of days. That EMDR thing that my shrink did, really messed with my head.

What it did was make me think that the only thing that I will have in life is my work. And because neither of my readers have gotten back to me about my last book, I had began to assume that it was because I was a crap writer. I could barely think.

What always helps me in this situation is playing racquetball but because of an unexplainable leg injury I can't do that either. And to top it off, someone came out of the blue and teased me with a really great job at NBC directing. But just as quickly as they mentioned it, they pulled it away. Honestly, I didn't know whether I would make it to the end of the week. For days I couldn't do more than sleep and watch TV. It was not good.

But mercifully someone who I don't know got a hold of the first chapter of my last book and read it. He gave me 4 out of 5 stars on it and with it some of my hope had returned. I can't say how I'm doing right now, but the fact that I was able to write today should say something.

And guys, I can't tell you how much your encouragement has made to me during this process. I have never had such a hard time writing anything before. They usually slip out of me like a wet pickle out of a whore. But this time has just been hell.